Confessions Pt. 1

We never really clicked as soon as we met. Rather, we ignored each other and barely acknowledged each other’s presence every time we see each other in the corridor. Yes, we smile and nod, but we never talk to each other when we’re alone. We always need the presence of our other friends for us to join in the conversation.

“I think this is the first time I saw you being this quiet.” This is what our common friend told me the night she introduces us to each other. She’s not used to me being quiet because she knows me as the one always initiating the conversation and being the social butterfly that I am, I should be the one introducing myself to you and quickly pulling you to our friend group. But I guess I just wasn’t in the mood to talk? To be honest, I’m not really the extrovert that she thought I am. I’m not really good around new people and I get tongue-tied when meeting new people. So yeah, nice meeting you but I’m not talking to you because I’m scared as hell and I don’t know how to talk to you.

But then we see each other every day, and a smile and nod are not enough anymore. I got comfortable seeing you around and you blend in with our group just as easily. We finally find things to talk about and got to do things together, without our other friends. At that time, I only see as a reliable friend. Someone I can call to watch anime with. Someone to gush over photography, and someone to talk about writing and whatnot.

Though I left the company anymore, our friendship did not end there. I thought that we will lose connection as soon as I left the company, but that was not the case. We may not be talking to each other every day, but we retain that steady communication and was able to see each other despite our different schedules. I’m grateful for the steady friendship that we had. But over time, I see you in a different light already and I’m afraid. I wanted to tell you that I like you not only as a friend but as someone whom I can see myself in a relationship with. But I’m scared. I’m grateful for our friendship and I don’t want to ruin it. And I don’t know what to do because I’m afraid of losing you.

Spring Day

I’m still sleepy, but you’re already dragging me out of bed. We had a long day yesterday and I’m still exhausted from all the walking that we did. Still, I stood up and groggily stand beside you as you are enjoying the sunrise. Absent-mindedly, you hand me the cup of coffee that you are holding. Seeing your happy face is enough to wake me up. I waited patiently beside you until the sun is way up high on the sky. Then, you faced me and kissed me on the cheeks.

“We’ll rent a bicycle today.” You said, as you are walking to the kitchen already. I followed you and asked you to repeat what you just said. I heard you perfectly, but I want to make sure that you are serious. I know you hate riding the bicycle because you always say that you don’t know to ride one.

“I’m not going to ride one. I’ll be riding at your back.” You answered and started preparing our breakfast. I sat at the table and picked up a bread.

“Why not we rent two and I will teach you?” I buttered up my bread and took a bite from it.

“You know that I don’t have any sense of balance. Let me just ride at your back, please.” You turned to me and pouted. You really know how to use your charms to get what you want.

“No. It’ll be fun, c’mon.” I relented.

“Fine, I guess it’s time also for me to learn.” I beamed at your answer.

It took us nearly two hours to prepare because you spent almost an hour choosing your outfit for today. You look good in everything, but you’re always changing your mind and would choose another dress to wear. In the end, you settled for the first dress that you tried out.

As we were walking to the rental place, I saw a flower vendor and bought one white lily. I gave it to you, and you smiled sweetly to me and kissed me on the cheeks. You took my hand and pulled me. We ran until we almost ran out of breath. You were laughing and teasing me for being slow, but I let you run ahead of me so that I can see you smile.

We entered the rental shop and you immediately looked around and examined the bicycles that are on display. I talked to the owner of the shop and asked for the bicycle that is easiest to use. I called you over and pointed you the one that the owner recommended. You examined the bicycle and took a test ride on it.

“I’ll need your signature here, sir.” The owner called out as I was walking out of the shop. I almost forgot because I’m worried that you might fall. I hurriedly sign the papers and went out.

But you are already enjoying your ride and I rode my bicycle towards you. We spent the whole day riding around town.

It was the best day that I had.

Typhoon

It was the longest night of my life.

I don’t know how long I’ve been swimming in this murky water. I don’t see any place that I can rest on. I’ve been calling on my human, but I can’t see him. I got separated from them last night. It was very dark. The water is not too deep yet. The whole family decided to leave the house when the rain and wind stopped. I thought we were going on a vacation. It’s been a long time since we last went out and had fun. They don’t allow me to go out anymore and play. So, I got excited and I jumped into the water. I lost track of time and when I look back, I cannot see them anymore. I called out again and again, but they don’t seem to hear me anymore. I decided to just stand at that very spot and wait for them. Surely, they will return for me?

I’m getting hungry and cold already. The water is rapidly rising. I hope that they get there safely. Do they notice that I’m not with them? The wind is whistling and the rain is angry. I’m tired and sleepy. Is it okay to sleep in this tree? Maybe I should just let the water carry me to anywhere it is going.

Then I woke up hearing someone calling my name. Is that my human? Does he see me already? I’m here! Can you hear me? Finally, he saw me already. He swims to me as fast as he can. I would swim to him but I’m so tired I cannot move my legs anymore. But I’m very happy.

He finally reached me. He hugged me so tight and he was crying. And I was crying too. He’s telling me over and over that I should never do what I did because he doesn’t want me gone. He’s telling me he’s glad I’m safe. I waited for you. I’ve been a very good dog. I miss you.

Then, he carried me on his back. And together, we swam to our safety.

art by: @renjie.xiii

Stars

I thank the stars that I met you.

Every night, I pray for this day to come. There are times that I imagine that we meet in a coffee shop. You, pulling up a chair at my table as if we have known each other already and me glaring at you because you invaded my privacy. Other times, I imagine us meeting in a bookstore. I will be browsing for a new book to read and then I would hear you arguing with the staff about a certain book. I would butt in and recommend you another book instead. We would have a lengthy discussion about books that we will not know about the time until a staff asked us to leave because they’ll be closing the store already.

But that’s not how we met. We met one starless night. I was waiting for the bus to arrive, staring at the sky, and you were behind me. It was almost midnight already and we are the only ones at the bus stop. I was feeling cold and you offered your jacket to me. And then we talked. We did not noticed that the bus finally arrived and took off again. Until we decided to just take a cab going home. And that was the start of our nonstop chats and discussions

For that starless night, I thank the stars that I met you.

art by: @tadsieroll

Buwan

Sa gitna ng kadiliman, andyan ka

Lahat ng nilalang ng gabi ikaw ang hanap.

Matitinag kahit ang pinaka-magandang bulaklak.

Ang taglay mong liwanag ang siyang gabay,

Kinikilalang bantay at gabay ng nawawala sa

gitna ng kadiliman.

Ngayon, bukas, ikaw lang ang aming hinihintay.

Buhay ang bitbit sa mga anak ng gabi,

Waring taglay ay kalinawan sa mga naguguluhan at nag-aalinlangan.

Nais naming ipabatid ang pasasalamat.

Bilang iyong Lobo na naghihintay saiyong pagdating,

sa bawat alulong at panaghoy, wag mangamba,

Dahil ito lamang ay papuri at dasal.

Nawa’y iyong matagpuan ang araw na hanap.

Salamat aming buwan.

Jekyll at Hyde

*a birthday gift from renji*

New Boy

(Part 1)

“Are you the new girl?”

Out of nowhere, you popped out and invaded my privacy. Am I the– oh my gods, I’ve only been with the company for barely a month and for sure, I’m the new girl since it’s obvious that you know everyone. Of course I did not say that aloud. You don’t know me and you don’t know for sure the level of sarcasm that I have.

“Yes, I am,” is what I answered. “Is there anything I can do for you?”

You’re standing nonchalantly beside my table, leaning slightly on the frame. I already hate your smug face. All I want is for your to be gone and leave me in peace.

“It’s already lunchtime,” you said.

And so? Like I don’t know that? I’ve been glancing at my watch every 5 minutes because I’ve already been dying to go out and breathe some fresh air.

“Is it?” I looked at my watch and pretended to be shock. “Wow, look at that. Time really flies so fast when you’re busy, huh.” Please, go away.

“Yeah, it does. Would you want to have lunch with me?” You’re fidgeting. Are you nervous? Or are you just bored?

“Lunch? With you? Why?” that’s true. I don’t know why you are asking me out for lunch. You literally have everyone to ask to. You’re the friendliest person I know in this office.

“Uhm, well, you’re new here and I want to welcome you.” You nodded at someone passing by my table. You’re acting as if hanging by my station is the most normal thing in the world. It’s not as if this is the first time that you talked to me.

I’m trying my best to finish the report that I have to submit later in the day, but you are determined to hang out by my table. What do I need to say for you to go away without me sounding like a bitch that I am?

“So, about lunch?” you returned your attention to me, I thought you already forgot about that. “Please come with me. I want to take you this new place just across the street.”

There is no new place across the street. Unless the buildings across the street will go Grimmauld Place and a new building will appear after tapping the secret codes.

“Look, I’m busy. I might be having a working lunch. I’m trying to finish this report that I need to give to Mirren and you know how she is if I don’t give this on time.” which is true. My boss can be a bitch if I don’t give her what she needs.

You raised your hands in resignation and walks away without saying anything. But I’m wrong.

“You owe me lunch, new girl!” you shouted,then everyone at the floor looked at me. Some even cheered. Do you really have to do that?

I hate you.

Alikabok

Aliptaptap, alitaptap

Ako’y nananabik sa iyong pagkukutitap

Taglay mong liwanag

Pagkabata ko sayo’y panatag.

Alitaptap, alitaptap

Ako’y napapangiti kapag ako’y nakatingala sa ulap

Taglay mong kinang

Sa mga mata ko’y nagbibigay linaw.

Alitaptap, alitaptap

Ako’y nag-aabang sa iyong muling pagtatanghal

Taglay mong kislap

Wari’y paputok dala mo sa alapaap.

Alitaptap, alitaptap

Ako’y nangungulila sa iyong kagandahan

Taglay mong ningning

Hanap-hanap ng nanglalabong paningin.

Aliptaptap, alitaptap

Ang alikabok ba’y abo ng iyong nakaraan?

Taglay mong kintab

Makikita pa ba nang mata kong bulag?

Alitaptap, alitaptap

Ikaw ang huling gunitang lasap

Taglay mong kagandahan

Baon ko sa bagong paraisong tahanan.

By: Rance Carlos dela Cruz

Letting Go

“Can we start over again?” he asked me, holding my hands between his. I want to pull away. But I also want to feel the warmth of his hands for the last time.

“No, I can’t. We can’t do that anymore.” I answer as I try not to let my tears fall. I’m surprised that my voice is still steady despite the heavy beating of my heart.

“Why?” tears are now falling from his face. I can see the pain in his eyes and his grip has tighten as he was trying to pull in an embrace.

“I’m seeing someone already.” I looked away. I don’t want him to see that I am lying.

“Is it that easy to forget? To move on?”

“No.” I cannot stop crying now. All those times that we’re together came flashing in my mind like an old television show that I wanted so much to forget.

“Then why?” He demanded.

“Because I want to forget it all. I want to forget how happy I was when I’m with you. I want to forget how talking to you is the easiest thing to do. I want to forget how much I loved you. Because the pain is much greater than those feelings when you left without a single word. And now you want me to carry on like nothing happened. I can’t do that anymore. Not with you.” I pulled my hands from his grasp walking away from him.

Lily

*First part read here.*

**collab series with Jun Mark**

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“I never liked flowers,” She said, biting her lower lip at the apparent lie and puffing a smoke after. She took a quick sip of her wine before she continued in a voice that was so low she sounded embarrassed. She must have suddenly remembered how well I know her. “There are only two flowers that I want to receive and rose is not one of them.”

Cool, I thought, smiling to myself. I nudged her then, and the moment my elbow made contact with her arm, I felt something funny which I hope didn’t show in my face.

“I sent you something,” I announced, relieved that my voice sounded steady despite the sudden lump in my throat.

She checked her phone and things seemed to pause for me. Then, she looked at me with eyes suddenly filled with curiosity and… surprise? My heart skipped a beat as I tried to look as normal as possible.

Well, it was a lily. It was a simple .gif showing the flower as it blooms, and I had it saved on my phone for quite some time now. Lilies are mom’s favourite flowers and for some reason, I’ve grown to love them too. They’re just not like the others, and I’ve always loved their unique smell as well that I swear I could recognize it from a mile away. Should there be no possible repurcussions, I would’ve bought her fresh ones to match her pretty eyes. Unfortunately, I couldn’t risk to lose what we currently have, which already is beautiful on it’s own.

“How?” I heard her ask, cutting my train of thoughts.

Her eyes, still curious, looked as though they really need an explanation. I smiled and told her an hones tale. “I just associated you with that flower ever since I first met you.”

Her gaze dropped on her feet, and her voice was sad when she said the next words. “Well, this complicates things.”

Okay, that was a blow.

“How?” I asked, demanding en explanation. “I thought you like me.” And I said it as a narrative and not a question. It’s true – she confessed to me and I will never forget that. It was a Tuesday and it was raining. I’ll never forget because I wasn’t able to sleep at all that night. I’ll never forget because that was the day when I finally realized that miracles do exist.

But… Do they?

“Wow. Dude.” Were her only words, and she said them with mundane finality. Then, our friends sat with us and started berating us with taunts and quesions. That was the longest lunch break of my life.

Lily

“I never liked flowers. There are only two flowers that I want to receive and rose is not one of it.” I said in between sips of wine and cigarette.

Beside me, he nudges me and said “I sent you something.”

I pulled out my phone to check my messages. And there it is, the very flower that I wanted so much to receive, in GIF form, filling my phone screen.

I looked at him incredulously.

“How?” I blurted. I’m really surprised. I never told anyone the type of flower that I want to receive because it means so much to me. For me, anyone who can give me those flowers is the one for me. Plus, he and I are not that close to talk about these things.

“I just associate you with that flower ever since I first met you.” he answer with a shrug, as if it’s no big deal.

“Well, this complicates things.” it really does. I told him I liked him and now he sent me flowers, albeit the form.

“How? I thought you like me.” he cannot shut up.

“Wow. Dude.” is what I can only answer before our friends barged us with questions and taunts.